DREAMS of the Skinny Girl Hiding inside of me!

I read a quote last week by a former Biggest Loser contestant and it really hit a nerve and stuck with me.  It literally has rolled around on the inside all weekend long. 

"Giving up on your dreams is a commitment to failure."  Team this up with one of my other favorite quotes by Jillian Michael's herself which is "Why choose failure when success is an option?" and you have a lot of deep thinking and soul searching going on. 

As I pondered on these thoughts I found myself sitting back and thinking of all the things that could be different if the skinny girl inside of me finally escapes the seemingly never ending cycle of up and down weight loss and gain.  I woke up with a new determination and new focus to help the skinny girl find her way to freedom.  I realize only I can make the changes to make my dreams come true, but thankfully God will walk with me and beside me thru this life change and He promised to never leave or forsake me.

Please know that these thoughts are not a pity party, these are legitimate things that go on inside my head on a daily basis, part of who I am and don't want to be anymore and I am not looking for anybody to feel sorry for me, truly I am just looking for accountability and encouragement to fight the good fight and never give up trying to reach my dreams.   I am shooting for the moon and don't care to land amongst the stars...I am choosing to choose SUCCESS!  Stand with me, pray for me and love me as I take some time to work thru the kinks and change my life in a very positive way!  The bible tells us that we can choose life or death, but we should choose LIFE!

 Dreams of the Skinny Girl hiding inside of me...

• buying clothes off the rack of any store
• seat belts that fit correctly without being manipulated
• ability to wear a seat belt in all cars, not just some makes and models
• enjoying a day at the water park without shame and embarrassment
• being comfortable in movie theater seats
• para sailing
• canoeing
• white water rafting
• playing softball again
• underclothes that fit like they are supposed to
• taking pictures without trying to hide behind everybody else 
• picture taking without having to find the best angle for my face not to look fat
• 5 mile hike at Cade's Cove in Gatlinburg
• bike riding
• running a 5k (not walking)
• not choosing the handicap bathroom stall because the others feel to small
• feeling beautiful even if nobody tells me I am
• speaking in front of people without wanting to crawl under the podium because I feel like a cow
• not dreading going to the doctor because I know what they are thinking even if they don't say it.
• wearing a pretty dress and semi high heels for elegant night on a cruise and being comfortable and confident doing so.
• not needing a seat belt extender on an airplane
• not wanting to hide in the locker room at the gym
• changing clothes in the gym and not doing it in the bathroom stall (not that i would necessarily but i'd like to be comfortable doing so if i did)

That's all for now, but I'm certain over time more things will surface and will be added to this list of DREAMS that I have for myself. 

Proverbs 31:26

"When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,  and she always says it kindly."

This morning has been eye opening and a bit hard to handle.   I am not accustomed to having my feelings hurt or hearing somebody say something about me that isn't positive.  In fact I couldn't tell you the last time it happened.  I actually heard it said and wow, I'm much more comfortable  with God's gentle reminders of areas that need some attention than I am with people pointing them out so blatantly.  

Wake up call?   Yes, indeed it was.  In truth what was said was clearly true and God has dealt with me in this area on more than one occasion and maybe hearing it come from somebody else was what it took for me to see that this particular issue was being seen by somebody besides God.   This was all the more real to me because of the message that Pastor Les presented to our students last night.   It was all about not having compartmentalized lives.   We should be the same person in every aspect of our lives.  I needed to see that the way I'm seen in this persons eyes are not the person I want to be.  I have repented, I will choose not to be offended especially since I can see how my actions and words could definitely be interpreted to be exactly what I was accused of being...yup, I know you want to know so here I go will confess that " I am a Complainer".

Lord, help me I don't want to be, I want to be a woman who speaks things that are worthwhile and spoken in kindness. I want to be a vessel of encouraging words that lift people up and make a difference in God's kingdom.   Father, I choose to make an adjustment to be more aware and to guard my tongue.  Help me to catch myself and change my way of seeing and thinking before I spout of words that are not good and pure and holy.   Thank you Father for sending Jesus so taht I can be forgiven and that I am capable of forgiving the one who hurt my feelings and walking in love instead of offense.    In Jesus name I pray, AMEN!

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it NOT...

What happened to the days where I complained because we never really had a cold winter?  I want those days back.  I never used to be cold and now it seems like the only time I'm not cold is in this hot office (that has not had a/c since last April and is a dreary musty smelling basement) and when I'm in my bed with the heated mattress pad turned on.   Anyways, apparently after the small bout with an ice storm last week looks like we are in for about 2 to 3 inches of snow this evening.  I know that many people are very happy about this and in all reality I don't mind it as long as I don't have to work late and miss Match 38 tonight.  

DNOW was a week and a half ago and it was an awesome experience.  I saw God moving in the hearts and lives of teenagers in a way I had never experienced.  It was life changing for me and I truly believe for many of them also.  I see a twinkle in some of their eyes that I hadn't seen before. God is faithful and I am very excited about seeing where things go from here.  God's plans will be walked out in their lives and I love being part of it.   I was very blessed to have been ministered to along side our students by Kari Jobe & Ben Pirtle.  They are both amazing and gifted ministers that ushered in the presence of God in a way that was tangible.  It was truly amazing and Kari pointed out something that made me look at their generation differently, they are a very "real" in your face, honest group of students, and when that is harnessed and used for God's purposes its going to be a danger zone to the enemy!  How exciting to realize that the way they are and the things that are different from our generation are meant for such a time as this!  They will change their world for the kingdom one reality at a time! 

This experience has also convinced me that it is also time to jump on the summer camp bandwagon and just go for it.  It is totally out of my comfort zone but I think its important if I'm encouraging them to go that I go with them.   Rocky loves it, the kids love it and they are convinced that I will love it too.  I'll let you know about the 2nd week of July. 

That's all for this entry, I may be back later if more random things pop into my head to share.

What an adventure....

Goodness it has been a super busy week.  For one I'm working a full 5 day work week, been a while since that happened with holidays and furlough days.   My schedule just seems like it keeps going and going and going....I'm beginning to feel like the energizer bunny.  I have been on "go" since I got out of the bed on Sunday.  It's all been fun stuff and definitely worth my time. 

Now I'm gearing up physically, mentally & spiritually for my first DNOW experience.   A whole weekend with the Match 38 High School Girls.  I am believing God for changed hearts and therefore lives.  I'm asking God to use me, to keep me settled and sure of all that I say and do during this time of fun, fellowship and ministry.   I want to be a vessel used by Him and desire to make a difference in my world.  Lord, help me to know when to speak and when to be still and quiet.   I choose to be led by You and for my eyes to be on Your purposes and plans for the lives of these students.  I hope to see bonds formed amongst the girls and friendships strengthened that will last a lifetime.  Most of all I want to see them giving of themselves completely to their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  

If you are reading my blog I ask that you pray with me as we venture into this weekend and hopefully an amazing time of fellowship with God our creator!

Look it's me again...

I'm here and well don't really even have anything imparticular to talk about.  I could complain because I had to go to lunch at 11 today and that makes for a very long evening, but since I'm excited about going to Curves/Zumba tonight I won't complain, what is the point anyways.   Every couple months God deals with my complaining and so I'm working on it...again.   I'd love to be able to stop and just not slide back into that bad habit, alas I seerm to realize to late that I've allowed that critical spirit to have control of my mouth and well I don't really like that "me".  I like the "me" that is positive, encouraging and uplifting and I notice when I'm in the word and praying like I should be that is the "me" that is seen.  I've done well and read every chapter of the day this year!  Yes, I know that's only 2.5 weeks worth but its progress nonetheless!  God always gives me the victory in Christ and that therefore is a victory.

Read a chapter a day with our church family.  It will help you create a habit that is life changing.  http://www.relateone.com/   

Updating again....

Well it's been a long time since I posted here....again. My last post was about a life decision that has also been life changing. I stepped out into a world I never knew I could be a part of and LOVE it. I enjoy everything (except the tracking stuff for tax purposes) about selling Scentsy. I love that it has opened up a side of myself I didn't know existed. I actually enjoy talking to strangers about this product and it has opened more than one door to minister to people I don't really know about what God has done in my life and would also like to do in their lives.

I've learned a lot about myself in this past year, some good, some bad, some worth looking into and changing and accepting other things that I've viewed as character flaws as just part of who I am and not fretting over them any longer.

If you are wondering about my weight loss journey, it took a passenger seat to the Scentsy business in 2010. One of those things I learned but really do want to figure out how to change is having the ability to focus and accomplish more than one thing at the same time. In 2009 my whole focus was on getting healthy, getting in better shape and losing weight. I did all of those things, it was a fabulous year. In 2010, the beginning of my life as a Scentsy consultant took over everything else in my life. It was a year of new and exciting things, but along that path my weight loss hit a stand still and I managed to maintain for the majority of the year. There were a few snags along the way in our finances and I ended up having to cancel my Curves membership and did okay for about 3 months exercising on my own, then it started getting cold outside, I got really really really busy with Scentsy (which was great at commission time) and it became easier to not exercise. Over the holidays not only did I not exercise but I also ate what I wanted, when I wanted and as much as I wanted. In doing so, I gained 7 pounds!! Now here I am 34 days away from my cruise and determined to lose that 7 pounds and hopefully a few more before I get on that boat! I know that nothing is impossible with God so I'm going for it.

There is so much more I could write about but then I wouldn't have anything to say and some of the things in my head aren't quite ready to be written yet....so for now....this is it and I'll be back, I've been inspired to start writing again.

My New Business Venture

I am venturing out into a new and exciting business. I am an Independent Consultant for Scentsy. If you haven't heard of them, then check out my website. If you'd like to receive a newsletter please sign up at the site. You can email me from the site or ask questions here. If you order now you have to time to get one of these beautiful warmers and a lovely spring/summer scent to arrive for Mother's Day. You can order online or contact me and I can take your order and information if you aren't comfortable using the internet.

Site address is: www.rgarrard.scentsy.com

My email is rocknrobn92@yahoo.com

Hope to hear from some of you soon....Mother's Day is just around the corner and what mom doesn't love beautiful things that smell good!

FYI - They have great deals on "multi packs" where you basically get one Scentsy bar free if you buy the pack.