Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Here I go again....but not on my own....

If I had a dollar for every time I have started over on my weight loss journey I would have been rich a long time ago.   I'm actually reminding myself that to start over means that I had to have quit and I will never quit.  I have taken quite a few wrong paths but am thankful to have always found my way back to THE RIGHT PATH.  So, yes, I took a bunny trail for a short time and thankfully that only netted 1 pound gained and not 20.  In my opinion there is always a silver lining inside of every cloud and that is my silver lining for this short hiatus.

Ever had one of those horrible dreams where you woke up thankful that you were in your bed in your house and not actually living that bad dream?  Well, I unfortunately lived one of my worst dreams ever this past weekend.   Let me back up many years ago and start there.  I was at the Mississippi State Fair and decided I was going to ride one of the fair rides and honestly I do not even remember which ride that was because the embarrassment and humiliation that came from that decision blocked out everything else.   I was too BIG to ride the rides at the state fair.  I hung my head in shame and walked away destroyed and defeated by my own bad decisions and lifestyle.  I made the decision on that day to never put myself in a place to feel that way again.  Fast forward to the present.  I have lost 100 +/- pounds in the past 12 years or so, that has gone up and down more times than I care to admit, but at  present I am still almost exactly 100 pounds down from my highest weight.   I admittedly still have a long way to go.  Now, back to the story, we took our youth group to Baton Rouge to a Water/Amusement Park this weekend.  I wanted so badly to fit in and feel like part of the group that I made the decision with great hesitation to ride one of the rides with several of our girls.  My heart was racing, my face was smiling, I was going to do it.  I got on the ride, and I fit in the seat!  This was a joyous 90 seconds and then the attendant came around to check to see that all was well.  I did not realize there was a strap that had to be buckled and low and behold I was told that I could not ride the ride, the safety strap had to buckle and it would not fit around me.  In all honesty I wanted to dig a hole in the concrete below me, sink into it and disappear.  I got off that ride and began what felt like the worst walk of shame I had ever endured.  As I made that walk, I had a choice to make and that small still voice of the Holy Spirit spoke on the inside of me and simply said...the choice before you is life or death.  Choose LIFE!  Choose to be motivated and inspired and not defeated and destroyed.   I choose LIFE!  I will return to that water/amusement park next year and I will ride every water slide and amusement ride that I so badly wanted to ride this year!   I choose LIFE!  I will not stand on the sidelines of my life and watch everybody else enjoy all the things that I want to enjoy alongside them!  I choose LIFE!  Long LIFE! Healthy LIFE!  Fun LIFE! 

So when that moment knocks on your door and you know that you are facing one of your greatest fears, remind yourself that God did not give you a spirit of fear, but power, love and a sound mind!  I am more than a conqueror and God says that I always triumph in Christ Jesus! 

Thanks for loving me, lifting me up  and not tiring of my having to get back on track way to often.