Monday, December 31, 2007

Food 12/31/07

11:10 a.m. - jr. cheeseburger, small tots (sonic)

got hungry at 4, popped a peppermint cause we are going to D&J's house tonight and having pizza, snacky stuff and spinach artichoke hopefully my resolve will remain strong this evening. but i promise to be honest about what i eat....cause well what choice do I have...Dawn is one of the people who is reading and keeping me accountable...that will actually help me make wise decisions......i'm already speaking the word and prayed for strength and grace.

7:00 p.m. ish - 1 piece of pizza, topping of another one, 1 piece of garlic bread with spinach artichoke dip and 3 m&m's! can you believe it??? that is all i ate. i kind of felt bad, cause i felt like my need to not eat kept everybody else from enjoying the goodies that D&J had prepared.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

So, it's been 5 days....

....and I have only eaten when I was hungry and not overeaten one single time. There has been such grace during these past days. I am feeling strong & determined and I believe it's because that "Word" light bulb came on. Which was revelation to not just my spirit but to my mind, will & emotions which make up my soul. I see a future and it isn't one that involves self loathing and fat clothes. It doesn't involve having to ask for a table and not a booth at a restaurant because I don't fit. It doesn't involve seat belts that won't go around me, how unsafe is that? I see my future and it's so bright that I'll have to wear shades.

I find myself thinking about food and then speaking the word over myself, that I am an overcomer, that I am more than a conqueror, that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And I have overcome to this point. Then I find myself doing what I do best...overanlalyzing me. Why am I constantly thinking of food. And in this past few days, I find that if I keep busy I'm not thinking of food, it's when I'm bored that food creeps in. So, pretty much it means, I can't be lazy, not sure what I'll do with myself at work, but at least I can limit what is available to eat and that will help. I've been keeping myself busy this evening since Rocky left doing some much needed culling of kitchen cabinets and drawers. I still have a few to tackle, but now finally I think my body is on the verge of telling me its hungry.

I am amazed at how little food it takes to keep a body going. You can look over the last 5 days and see just how little. But, I also took a sneak peek at the scale this morning and it said 290! I know that quick loss will probably only last about 2 weeks and in reality I know that is better for me, so it's all good. I'll be curious to see what it says on Wednesday morning when it's been a week.

Well, I'm off to tackle at least one more drawer in the kitchen. Thanks for reading, praying and keeping me accountable. Love ya all.

Food 12/30

12:45 p.m. - fiesta chicken salad (mcalister's)

8:30 p.m. - 2 sister schuberts rolls w/small slices of ham & 1 piece of cheese, 5 chocolate covered p.b. ritz bits.

Food 12/29/07

11:00 a.m. - 1.5 cups of red beans & rice w/sausage and 3 bites of pudding dessert

6:45 p.m. - 2 egg omelet w/ham & cheese and 1.5 whop biscuits w/butter & strawberry preserves

Friday, December 28, 2007

Food - Dec 28, 2007

12:40 p.m. - 2 cheese manicotti/marinara sauce (frozen entree)

07:15 p.m. - jr. cheeseburger w/ketchup & small seasoned fries (backyard burger)

Visit with the Massey's

Some of our dearest friends came to town yesterday and we were glad to be able to meet them for dinner last night. Thankfully I knew they were coming and surpassed hunger about 5:15 so that I'd be hungry when we met them for dinner. I did very well and even though it was difficult not to eat more biscuits (they are one of my absolute faves), I did not do it. I was satisfied and pleased with my ability to stick to my guns.

Brooklyn & Carson are growing up so fast. It's amazing to watch them continue to grow into amazing little people. They are so sweet, well behaved and absolutely adorable, not to mention they love their Uncle Rocky & Aunt Robin. Palmer (18 months) is growing up fast, but its harder to see him because he doesn't know me and it breaks my heart each time. He did warm up some and we were able to enjoy watching him and spending time with him, but he just didn't want to come to me. He did end up letting Rocky hold him but only because Trent passed him off, he did not want to leave Steph's arms when she had him. He is a super flirt and was very social with all the people at the tables around us. I think they have another heart stealer on their hands. Why am I not surprised, hee hee.

Anyways, nothing much going on today. We are going to take all the Christmas decorations (in the office) down so that when we come back next week for the New Year everything will be back to normal. Not looking forward to the process but I am looking forward to normal. Besides it will keep us busy this afternoon. If we start about 3 it should make that last 1.5 hours go quickly.

Tonight Dawn N. & I are going to the crop at ASF. It will be fun, it's the last one of the year and she's calling it the New Years Eve Eve Eve Crop. She's a mess, but it'll be fun. I'll have to be very cautious and not indulge on the junk that will surely be available. But, I can do it, my will power is very strong right now and I will do fine. I need to print some pictures today so I can have something to work with this evening, that might help.

It's 8:50 a.m. and so far not hungry yet. It's interesting to think about how little food my body has actually needed in the past 2 days and then it really makes me think about how much I have been overfeeding myself. But, that's okay, all things are made new and all I can do is keep looking forward and go from that's what I'm doing.

When I do get hungry I'll post a food track for today.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Hot Chocolate

Okay so not everything will be about weight loss or my journey, sometimes I may just jabber about my life in general or post about something that strikes my fancy.
Which is what I'm doing now. I got a forwarded email from my dad this morning and I don't always read forwards cause well I always think "I've probably read this 100 times already", but I hadn't.
I like what it says, because so often I look at my job and feel like I'm wasting my life because I spend Monday thru Friday wishing for Friday evening and then spend the whole weekend dreading going back to work on Monday. But this little ditty made me think about how I need to be thankful for my life beyond the job.
Anyways here it is:
A group of graduates, well established in their careers, were talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired. During their visit, the conversation turned to complaints about stress in their work and lives. Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor went into the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups - porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the hot chocolate. When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said: 'Notice that all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. The cup that you're drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot chocolate. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was hot chocolate, not the cup; but you consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each other's cups. Now consider this: Life is the hot chocolate; your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life. The cup you have does not define, nor change the quality of life you have. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the hot chocolate God has provided us. God makes the hot chocolate, man chooses the cups. The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything that they have. Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. And enjoy your hot chocolate.

Food - 12/27/07

12:10 p.m. - 1.5 cups of chili w/rice and 1 square of Godiva dark chocolate

7:30 p.m. - 2.5 biscuits, 3/4 cup gravy, 2 smoked sausage patties (Cracker Barrel)

Food eaten 12/26/07

I also want to keep track and be accountable for what I'm eating and how much so I am posting for yesterday and later will post for today.

5:30 p.m. - 1 small piece of ham, 1/3 cup of broc/cheese casserole, 1/3 cup dressing, 1/3 cup corn casserole

9:30 p.m. - 1 small serving of pudding dessert from christmas

In the beginning....

.....there was me in all of my glory and not overly happy about it. I tipped the scales at 297 yesterday. I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would never weigh 300 pounds again. Thankfully, I had already found "the word to deliver" just over a week ago. P.C. was finishing a series titled "30 Reasons We Know God Wants Us Healed Now" and one of those reasons was the simple fact that the bible states in 1 Corinthians 6...

"19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."

His sermon was on healing, but God had a different message for me. I have spent just over 16 years serving Him in Spirit, striving daily to do the things that I believe please Him, not to perfection, not in any way close to perfection, yet striving. I have read these verses time and time again, heard them preached and never one time did the "light bulb" come on like it did this night. Suddenly it became clear to me that He was very specific about glorifying Him with our bodies, it was bought with a price, a price of unconditional love and sacrifice, so that I would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that when this body no longer lives that my spirit shall live for all of eternity with my God. That being said, the clarity in my mind's eye was simple, how can I glorify Him with my body when its in terrible shape, I have no energy, I don't feel good more often than I do, my cholesterol is high, my triglycerides are high and obviously these things put me at risk for health issues that I'd just assume not even mention. So, now what do I do?

I prayed, I sought, I cried and finally I felt like step 1 was to find my hunger point. Fast until I knew for certain what it meant to be hungry. My body was created in His image, its smart, it has the ability to alert me when it needs fuel. Funny, I think somewhere along the line I forgot that. Rarely in the last 6 months have I felt truly hungry, there was no time to feel hunger because I was constantly eating. I made sure there was food for breakfast, morning snack (when I felt like I needed or wanted one), lunch, afternoon snacks and of course food for dinner and ice cream for late night desert with my hubby. It was never ending and in the last 2 months it seems that I've had more upset stomachs and often felt like I was going to explode after eating than I have in a really long time. Basically on the physical level I've been miserable. Yet, I kept eating and quit exercising. I've been known to overanalyze, so I don't think that I'm going to try and figure out why I have basically sabotaged all the good that I did from 2002 - 2006. So, I'm just going to move forward and start from scratch.

So that means yesterday was Day 1 on this new pathway and I did not eat until I was positive that I knew what hunger was. I surpassed hunger several times during the day and finally about 5:30 yesterday afternoon I was certain that I knew what hunger was. Now the goal is to eat when my body says it is hungry the next step is figuring out and paying attention to when I've had enough. I am going to focus on the not overeating part of this journey for about 10 days or so and then I'll work on exercising and getting my energy built up so that when we leave for our cruise in February, I'll be ready to enjoy 5 days of relaxation, excitement and an active excursion the day we are in Cozumel.

I'll post a "Before" picture when I can get my hubby to take one this weekend. So I can track my progress by sight as well as by weight.

I will be Fabulous by Forty!

p.s. My boss just came through my office with a Godiva Dark Chocolate Candy bar and gave me half of it. I am not it is sitting on my desk and not being eaten at the moment. Hopefully when I get hungry at lunch I'll pay attention enough to know when I've had almost enough of left over chili & rice to stop so I can have at least a part of this candy bar that I'm certain is awesome. So there ya go my first Non Scale Victory (in the future shall be known as an NSV).