Does this even need a title...or can you guess about the content?

I just read my last post from January of this year, and it made me cry because I've failed miserably at getting where I wanted to be by now.  This journey towards loving me always circles back to the same thing....FOOD.  I've been crying out to God for answers, for strength, for supernatural will power and yet I keep failing and ignoring and going in circles.  What is the definition of insanity again....oh wait I know its doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  

I keep searching for an underlying factor that causes me to keep turning back and maybe the reality is there isn't one, maybe I just love food and can't seem to keep hold of the fact that it will control me for my whole life  if I don't make permanent changes, not just temporary ones.  The pattern of my life has been to do great, feel great, lose a ton of weight and then get complacent.  It's like I forget that if I slide back into the bad habits even slowly I will regain the weight.  Then it seems it takes years to pull myself together and crawl out of the pit I feel I am in now, disgusted and sad about where I've allowed myself to get.  I say the right things, I act like I have it together, I know God has set me free yet, here I am, again. 

I read a devotion that a sweet friend posted on facebook this morning.  I'll share it with you so you can understand the impact that it had on me without me trying to remember of paraphrase it:

"KEY IDEA. Just because change is hard doesn’t mean it is unnecessary.

Ringo Starr probably isn’t among your list of notable thinkers. His song It Don’t Come Easy is, however, a profound statement about change—change isn’t easy. Because change isn’t easy, you might think it’s unnecessary. After all, we live in a culture where we want everything to be easy, right?

Anything worth having is worth working for. Change is worth the effort. When you begin to change, you’ll discover a world of opportunity you never dreamed possible. If you resist change, you’ll find yourself living far below your potential.

The Israelites were resistant to change. In spite of God’s continual mercy and grace, they stuck with their old ways of thinking. A generation of them missed out on the opportunity to experience the Promised Land because change was too hard(Numbers 14:11-23). Refusing to change always has consequences."

Knocked my eyes wide open.  I do not want to be like the Israelites and spend the entirety of my life wandering aimlessly because I refused to change.  I do not want to live my life living below my potential.  I'm tired of missing out on things because I'm not comfortable or don't feel like I'd be able to do or enjoy them.  I want to go on water slides and ride a bike. I want to go canoeing, white water rafting and kayaking.  These are all things on my bucket list that I am not confident enough in myself because of my weight to even try.  I am missing out on a world of opportunities because I am stubborn and hard headed.   

As I drove into work this morning I was asking God to help, to guide me and remind me what worked in the past, what didn't, how to change and it be real and life altering and  a way of life that I can adapt to and enjoy from now on.  He reminded me of 2 scriptures and both of them hit home.

"Where there is no vision, the people perish"  Proverbs 29:18

"Write the vision (revelation, plan), make it plain on tablets, so that it may be read on the run" Habakkuk 2:2

I've been winging it too long, trying different things, considering every thing, even pondering surgery, which if you know me is a drastic thought.  I've always been of the mind that if I have to alter my habits and lifestyle before and after the surgery then why have the surgery.  With God's love, guidance, strength and my will being submitted to His I can do this without surgery or supplements or powders or mixes or pills.  I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me.  

His word clearly tells me (scriptures above) that I must have  a vision/plan.  I must also write it down.  So here we go, as I said I've asked God to remind me what has worked and what I can do to get where I need to be and stay there, this is my Vision.....

Goal:
1.  Complete the ropes course on the Carnival Sunshine in March 2014.
2.  Wear clothes that are cute and comfortable, that I am not constantly pulling on.
3.  Look in the mirror without feeling disgust and despair.
4.  Love myself and trust that I am who God says I am!!  

Plan:

Nutrition
1.  Calorie Rotation:
     Week 1:  1200 calories per day
     Week 2:  1500 calories per day
     Week 3:  1500 calories per day
     Week 4:   2000 calories per day

Rotate back to week 1 and start over.  As the weight comes off, extend the 2000 calorie week for 2 weeks and then 3 weeks.  The goal is to teach body to maintain weight at 2000 calories per day.  

2.  Drink a minimum of 8 glasses of water per day.
3.  No more than 3 carbonated drinks per week.
4.  Allow myself something sweet once per day if I desire, but keep within the calories.
5.  Splurge day 2 times a month (within reason).
6. JOURNAL JOURNAL JOURNAL  (myfitness pal)

Fitness
1.  Cardio minimum of 3 times a week, minimum of 30 minutes.
2.  Weight machines, minimum of 2 times per week.  
3.  Incidental exercise as often as possible (park farther in parking lot, walk upstairs instead of elevators)

Accountability

I need people like you who love me and care about me to be willing to step up and keep your eyes open.  Ask me how many times I went to the gym.  Remind me that I didn't get where I am overnight.  Most of all PRAY for me.  I'm tired of falling down and having to start over.  I know that we all fall and that we all have set backs, but I am tired of allowing them to be long lasting.  With God all things are possible and  I plan to show the whole world how true that is!!