Friday, July 26, 2013

Today is the day..... first weigh in and I lost 6 pounds.   It felt good to not fear the scale this morning, because I knew no matter what it said, I had done what I needed to do to start my path to a healthier me.  I've been up and down so much in the past 3 years that I am not sure I've lost weight 2 weeks in a row since I started the gradual uphill climb, but I am determined, my mind is set and my feet are steadfastly planted on the ground.  I will continue to progress this coming week.  This week I will continue to work out at least 3 times a week, cardio and strength and stay within 1500 calories per day.  

Thank you God for never leaving or forsaking, for being that small still voice that never fails to remind me that I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me and that I can cast my cares upon you because you care for me.   You are faithful and I am blessed beyond measure because of your love, grace and mercy towards me. 

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Tomorrow... my first weigh in and I'm excited and nervous.  I'm choosing today not to be moved regardless of what it says.  I've noticed the older I get the harder it seems to make the scale move, but I know I've been dedicated to the plan and I've put in the work and I feel good so that is what I will focus on.  


Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Five days down.....

.....221 days to go!  I found a you tube video of the Sky Course on the ship and it motivated me instead of freaking me out.  This is progress, its nice when my head and  heart are both linked with God at the same time.  I'm not sure exactly what I thought a ropes course 8 feet off the ground would consist of but I was surprised.  Instead of being discouraged by what I could not accomplish today I have decided to keep moving forward so I will be prepared and ready to conquer it!  Reminding myself that God says He made me more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37). 

Last night I was watching a weight loss reality show and was so emotionally moved by the struggles this woman faced in her life that I wanted to crawl into the TV and poke somebody's eyes out.  There is a way to encourage and motivate somebody to be all they can be and its not by tearing them down and pointing out their flaws.   

The trainer on this show is so compassionate and real and allows himself to connect to his clients to the place where you can see that he truly cares.  He inspires me to go for my dream, to follow in his footsteps.  The next 221 days are about getting myself ready to follow this new dream of becoming a personal trainer who cares about the people she is working with, not just the paycheck.   

The client on this episode also reminded me how easy it is to fall even when you've had great success.  I've fallen into that trap more times than I can count.  I am praying that God will keep me alert and focused and that when I stumble along the path I wont fall,  I will call upon Him to regain my balance and continue on the right path.  I'm exhausted from all of the rabbit trails I have followed over the years.  The past 5 days have been peaceful. When you are on the right path there is hope and rest because there is no guilt or shame hanging around your neck.   

Look out world, the Robin God intended me to be is emerging and I think you are going to like her!!


Monday, July 22, 2013

Recurring Dreams...

Reminding myself of the dreams of the skinny girl hiding inside of me...

  • buying clothes off the rack of any store
  • seat belts that fit correctly without being manipulated
  • ability to wear a seat belt in all cars, not just some makes and models
  • enjoying a day at the water park without shame and embarrassment
  • being comfortable in movie theater seats
  • para sailing
  • canoeing
  • white water rafting
  • playing softball again
  • underclothes that fit like they are supposed to
  • taking pictures without trying to hide behind everybody else 
  • picture taking without having to find the best angle for my face not to look fat
  • 5 mile hike at Cade's Cove in Gatlinburg
  • bike riding
  • running a 5k (not walking)
  • not choosing the handicap bathroom stall because the others feel to small
  • feeling beautiful even if nobody tells me I am
  • speaking in front of people without wanting to crawl under the podium because I feel like a cow
  • not dreading going to the doctor because I know what they are thinking even if they don't say it.
  • wearing a pretty dress and semi high heels for elegant night on a cruise and being comfortable and confident doing so.
  • not needing a seat belt extender on an airplane
  • not wanting to hide in the locker room at the gym
  • changing clothes in the gym and not doing it in the bathroom stall (not that i would necessarily but i'd like to be comfortable doing so if i did)
  • Sky Course on Carnival Sunshine

Remember How Far You Have Come

This was a lovely reminder from God this morning.  How quickly we forget how far we have come when things seem to be going backwards.  The slightest setbacks in my past and present tend to throw me off track and onto the wrong path.  Which in turn gives place to an enemy who is dead set on destroying me.  I am thankful that the Holy Spirit lives on the inside of me and never leaves or forsakes me, so when I'm done with the pity parties He is always waiting patiently with arms wide open ready to guide me back to the path that leads me to the destination God has planned for me.  

Thankfully for the first time in a few years, I feel like my heart and head are in the same place.  I see the path before me, I'm on it, I'm taking steps and trying not to run so fast that I end up not finishing.  I'm not looking for short cuts, I'm creating a pace that takes me to the end. In 223 days I will be doing the Sky Course on the Carnival Sunshine!  Although I just looked at this picture and well......okay....I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me!!!  Right?????

The weekend went well, I stayed on track with calories and water.  I did have carbonated drink on Friday night but none since then.  So I can still have 2 more this week.  I will be going to the gym at lunch today.  This will be a weight machine day, which always makes me  uneasy because I fight feeling self conscious if there are other people out there.  I will remind myself of the above statement....remember I'm not where I want to be, but I'm also not where I used to be!  Heading towards a happy healthy me!

Friday, July 19, 2013

226 days.....

....until we board the Carnival Sunshine. My long term goal is to start and finish the ropes course on the ship.  To do that I must trust the process (thanks Ms. Tammy for putting words to my thoughts).   

I just took a full faced picture of myself, no special angle, no camera in the right direction to avoid the extra chin that I have, a true picture of what my face looks like right now.  I am also uploading a full length from this past weekend.  These will serve as my before pictures (may take a better full length picture later).  

I woke up today thinking about food, this troubled me after the lengthy discussions I had with God yesterday regarding this particular problem area in my life.  I began to pray and ask God to help me focus, help me to remain steadfast and to reach my goals.  His grace as always was more than enough for me to get thru that moment when my flesh cried out and wanted me to jump off the wagon that would be my  transportation to health and happiness.  His reminder was that "I am an over comer by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony" (Revelation 12:11).   He is faithful to lead and guide us if we will be faithful to listen.  

It's still early in the day, but I feel confident that I will follow thru with the vision I have before me, 1200 calories and a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio.  I'll check back in later to verify that I did what I set out to do!  

Thanks for reading, thanks for praying, thanks for loving and not tiring of my journey! 

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Does this even need a title...or can you guess about the content?

I just read my last post from January of this year, and it made me cry because I've failed miserably at getting where I wanted to be by now.  This journey towards loving me always circles back to the same thing....FOOD.  I've been crying out to God for answers, for strength, for supernatural will power and yet I keep failing and ignoring and going in circles.  What is the definition of insanity again....oh wait I know its doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  

I keep searching for an underlying factor that causes me to keep turning back and maybe the reality is there isn't one, maybe I just love food and can't seem to keep hold of the fact that it will control me for my whole life  if I don't make permanent changes, not just temporary ones.  The pattern of my life has been to do great, feel great, lose a ton of weight and then get complacent.  It's like I forget that if I slide back into the bad habits even slowly I will regain the weight.  Then it seems it takes years to pull myself together and crawl out of the pit I feel I am in now, disgusted and sad about where I've allowed myself to get.  I say the right things, I act like I have it together, I know God has set me free yet, here I am, again. 

I read a devotion that a sweet friend posted on facebook this morning.  I'll share it with you so you can understand the impact that it had on me without me trying to remember of paraphrase it:

"KEY IDEA. Just because change is hard doesn’t mean it is unnecessary.

Ringo Starr probably isn’t among your list of notable thinkers. His song It Don’t Come Easy is, however, a profound statement about change—change isn’t easy. Because change isn’t easy, you might think it’s unnecessary. After all, we live in a culture where we want everything to be easy, right?

Anything worth having is worth working for. Change is worth the effort. When you begin to change, you’ll discover a world of opportunity you never dreamed possible. If you resist change, you’ll find yourself living far below your potential.

The Israelites were resistant to change. In spite of God’s continual mercy and grace, they stuck with their old ways of thinking. A generation of them missed out on the opportunity to experience the Promised Land because change was too hard(Numbers 14:11-23). Refusing to change always has consequences."

Knocked my eyes wide open.  I do not want to be like the Israelites and spend the entirety of my life wandering aimlessly because I refused to change.  I do not want to live my life living below my potential.  I'm tired of missing out on things because I'm not comfortable or don't feel like I'd be able to do or enjoy them.  I want to go on water slides and ride a bike. I want to go canoeing, white water rafting and kayaking.  These are all things on my bucket list that I am not confident enough in myself because of my weight to even try.  I am missing out on a world of opportunities because I am stubborn and hard headed.   

As I drove into work this morning I was asking God to help, to guide me and remind me what worked in the past, what didn't, how to change and it be real and life altering and  a way of life that I can adapt to and enjoy from now on.  He reminded me of 2 scriptures and both of them hit home.

"Where there is no vision, the people perish"  Proverbs 29:18

"Write the vision (revelation, plan), make it plain on tablets, so that it may be read on the run" Habakkuk 2:2

I've been winging it too long, trying different things, considering every thing, even pondering surgery, which if you know me is a drastic thought.  I've always been of the mind that if I have to alter my habits and lifestyle before and after the surgery then why have the surgery.  With God's love, guidance, strength and my will being submitted to His I can do this without surgery or supplements or powders or mixes or pills.  I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me.  

His word clearly tells me (scriptures above) that I must have  a vision/plan.  I must also write it down.  So here we go, as I said I've asked God to remind me what has worked and what I can do to get where I need to be and stay there, this is my Vision.....

1.  Complete the ropes course on the Carnival Sunshine in March 2014.
2.  Wear clothes that are cute and comfortable, that I am not constantly pulling on.
3.  Look in the mirror without feeling disgust and despair.
4.  Love myself and trust that I am who God says I am!!  


1.  Calorie Rotation:
     Week 1:  1200 calories per day
     Week 2:  1500 calories per day
     Week 3:  1500 calories per day
     Week 4:   2000 calories per day

Rotate back to week 1 and start over.  As the weight comes off, extend the 2000 calorie week for 2 weeks and then 3 weeks.  The goal is to teach body to maintain weight at 2000 calories per day.  

2.  Drink a minimum of 8 glasses of water per day.
3.  No more than 3 carbonated drinks per week.
4.  Allow myself something sweet once per day if I desire, but keep within the calories.
5.  Splurge day 2 times a month (within reason).
6. JOURNAL JOURNAL JOURNAL  (myfitness pal)

1.  Cardio minimum of 3 times a week, minimum of 30 minutes.
2.  Weight machines, minimum of 2 times per week.  
3.  Incidental exercise as often as possible (park farther in parking lot, walk upstairs instead of elevators)


I need people like you who love me and care about me to be willing to step up and keep your eyes open.  Ask me how many times I went to the gym.  Remind me that I didn't get where I am overnight.  Most of all PRAY for me.  I'm tired of falling down and having to start over.  I know that we all fall and that we all have set backs, but I am tired of allowing them to be long lasting.  With God all things are possible and  I plan to show the whole world how true that is!!